“Some people bring unexpected lightness and comfort to your life. They crackle with energy, practically electrify you with their presence. And then there are those who leave you feeling stressed out. Or guilty. Or exhausted down to your very last molecule. I call them energy vampires, and obnoxious or meek, they come in all forms.”
I know I’ve certainly experienced put downs from people at various times throughout my life. I’m not sure it’s possible to go through life without meeting one of these people somewhere along the way, so the best strategy seems to be to learn how to deal with them prior to interacting with them.
With the festivities on us, and friends and family all around for days and days, this becomes a topic again more than on normal times of the year.
Ever encountered one of those negative people who like to act innocent and go off to purposefully hurt others` feelings? If you haven`t yet, come talk to me, I will lend you a few.
People who put you down are hurt themselves. A happy, self confident person does not put others down. They might provide constructive criticism but they won’t go further. Some people are simply very negative because often they either need to make themselves feel like they're in control or more powerful or to cover up their own insecurities, or because they have experienced a trauma of their own in the past and they don’t know how to deal with the pain so they'll hurt others as a defense mechanism.
I have sat many times at tables where a “friend” pretending to be joking would “innocently” stab others with hurtful comments and inappropriate questions or would try to steer conversations to topics that they know would cause nervousness to others around. Friends “jokingly” pointing out that really we should have kids earlier these days, exactly like they did, and not wait then complain that it is too late, while knowing that the couple sitting across the table has been trying for years to conceive, and are aware that in that precise moment they are deeply hurting them. But on they go. “Friends” who know exactly which topics whoever sits across the table is not keen to discuss or hear or answer to but “oh no really, I did not mean to hurt her/him/them, I didn`t think about it, I was only joking, can you not take a joke?” Well, you were not joking, were you, you were mean, and you know it.
People’s tirades against others will probably reveal to you just how unhappy and disillusioned and frustrated that person is with life, and that's their problem, not yours. Knowing this can go a long way to being able to detach from the comments.
Over the years my personal approach has changed, I have come to a point in which I glare, reply honestly if at all, maybe push back, change the topic or simply walk away. Not allowing myself to invest a gram of energy or thought on vampires` comments has been key. But this is the time of the year when I catch up with a lot of friends and their stories on the latest encounters with vampires and think of how much we should all be aware of what we say.
The main issue with energy vampires is that we blame them for draining us. There lies the problem. Keep your energetic space closed to these people, don’t get drained by their negativity, smile on and save your energy for those who deserve it!