What's your inner pace?

Last summer I was invited to a talent development offsite,  'women fit for success'. I very much enjoy and applaude these programmes and investments on the company's talents, but I do wonder whether tailoring programmes specifically for women doesn't make the problem of gender equality in the workplace even worse.

Nevertheless, I pack my overnight bag and off I go. The whole two days programme was very interesting, one thing in particular has hit a nerve, the pace calculator exercise. 

After a short networking lunch on day 2, that followed an intense morning and an even more packed day 1, we are asked to stand up from our chairs and start walking in circles around the room, following the pace that the workshop leader would indicate. 

Mentally I wonder 'Seriously, with all the emails piling up in my inbox, my endless to do list, why are we doing this random exercise now?' It took fifteen minutes before realisation hit home and I saw how important is my inner pace, at any given time of the day, and how I could make that work to my benefit. 

So we keep walking in circles, slowly, then fast, then very fast trying to avoid collision with the other twenty ladies, then almost running, then very slowly, then we are asked to choose our pace and keep walking. 

My pace of choice that afternoon after lunch, from 1 to 5, where 1 is slowly walking as if you are admiring art in a museum and 5 is rushing for the train in heels, was 2/3. I felt uncomfortable with 4 and 5, almost annoyed, and so I did with 1 and 2. 

How would my mind and body perform when forced out of their natural pace in a particular moment?

Sunday walks.  

Following the whereabouts of the youngest driver in the house. 

Being a 'morning person' I know that would I have done the same exercise at 9am through to 12pm, I would have gone for 4 or even 5, at 5pm to 8pm probably as well, but after lunch? My mind needs focus and slow pace, as much as it needs adrenaline in the morning and early evening. Your 'inner pace' can also change depending on the time of the year, after a regenerating holiday you would probably choose a pace 5 throughout the day as much as after a long year and a particularly tiring patch (erm) you would probably want to hide under the duvet, no I meant choose a pace 1/2 more often.

Our take away, you have guessed it, was to learn to tailor our days, workload, tasks, based on our personal natural pace. Not that often we are given the choice (hello 1pm meetings) but knowledge and self awareness always make you score higher.

M.

Walking down the Zurich lake on a Sunday in October during a 'pace 1' afternoon, reminded me of the funny picture below someone shared with me. 

Pressure and productivity

I am constantly amazed when I go into meetings and am the only person taking notes, and then converting these into actions on to-do lists. It’s how I get things done. If you don’t write things down, you will have forgotten them before you leave the room. We could never have achieved a tenth of what we’ve achieved without systematic lists and actions. R.Branson

These days on most days, I have two recurring words in mind to describe how I feel. Happy. Exhausted. Some evenings once the kids are in bed, the priority items on to do lists are ticked off, the house looks decent and everything is ready for the next day, we sit there and wonder how on earth were we able to achieve and get so much done in one day. Normally this feeling lasts 3 minutes, because some memory, normally from the working day, will hit and we will immediately think “Gosh I have so much work to do!”

 Only now, some memories of my childhood come back. I recall my mother in the evenings after work while my brother and I were still running around or demanding something, often saying “It never ends, days should have 48 hours”. I hear you now, mum, I do. Even with house help and childcare, even with our families often sharing the load, days are loaded and at the end of the day we are left with zero energy.

At the same time, we have never had more enthusiasm for all the projects we are running, at work and in our private life, energy to play like kids with our children, interest for more, better and new things. And, we realize every day, we have never in our life been more productive. If in the past I needed a week to recover from a nasty flu, in the past three years, since becoming a parent, I have had to learn to recover in no time and normally while looking after a demanding little person. We have learnt to cope with little sleep which means we have learnt to make a 10 minutes break a real battery charger.

There are pros and cons about life under pressure for sure, but one big advantage is productivity.

I have learnt, and many like me who are living the same adventure on the same lane, to maximize every minute of my day. I have long moved away from “Outlook slots”, not every meeting needs to take one hour or activity needs to last multiple of 15 minutes. At work I often set up meetings of 45 minutes if I can choose. I use any 10-15 minutes commute to listen to podcasts about topics I want to hear about. I have a list of people, TED talks, blogs, sites and online papers that I run through every day and plan for the week what to read or listen to.

Over Easter while in Germany my mother-in-law asked how I have been doing and how I am coping with the current pace and load, given I seem “relaxed” (perhaps she meant “aged”...?? I said I think am actually fairly relaxed indeed…and thinking back I probably can give three reasons for that, the children are a daily exercise for improving patience and prioritizing, I have now for 4 years practiced regularly shiatsu and meditation (and I cannot recommend both enough) and last year I had a big reality check when one of my closest childhood friends suddenly died of cancer at 35, leaving her husband and 18 months old behind.  Of course I also have days when I would like to climb the Himalaya or any hill nearby and just sit there in peace and silence…

While I plan, have multiple to do lists, use pockets of time to check items off or to relax. I also block hours, half days or days sometimes where I block the world out and exist only for family, or for myself, trying to keep it flexible when possible as I have learnt the hard way that viruses from nursery school have not yet heard of my to do lists…

About to do lists.

“Writer Kevin Kruse recently claimed that to-do lists are a ‘waste of time’. He suggested that they make people more stressed, and only 41 per cent of items on to-do lists are completed.

The crucial part of a to-do list is in the name – you need to actually DO the things on your list. The act of writing your tasks and thoughts down is useful in and of itself, as it helps to organise your thoughts and give you focus. However, if you then ignore your own advice and don’t follow up, the lists will lose most of their power. Quite often you will only do 50 per cent of things on to-do lists because, on reflection, only 50 per cent are worth doing. But by putting things on lists it will help clarify what’s worth doing and what’s worth dropping.” Read more about to do lists in this post. 

What is your experience for a balanced life? When have you been at your most productive? What has helped to make you a better person and to live well with yourself?

M.

Don't expect to see a change if you don't make one

Increasingly we have seen media coverage on initiatives celebrating the strength of women, the resilience of mothers, the importance of time off for fathers and the importance of a healthy life balance to better perform, and to achieve an "integrated" work life equation. 

At last! We have come a long way from the previous generation, from the previous decade and actually, from 18 months ago, come to think of it. 2015 has been a very important year for topics related to diversity, gender equality and health versus productivity.

In 2015 HBR's ranking of CEOs has for the first time considered how companies score not only on the hard numbers, but also on "soft" facts (ESG performance) "In the past, our ranking was based exclusively on hard stock market numbers. We looked at total shareholder return, as well as the change in each company’s market capitalization. We liked the fact that the ranking was based solidly on data and not on reputation or anecdote. Yet it also felt incomplete, because it failed to account for the many aspects of leadership that go beyond mere market performance. And so this year we’ve tweaked things. We’ve added to the mix a measurement of each company’s environmental, social, and governance (ESG) performance."

We have seen many financial institutions jumping into the growing trend of socially responsible investing and best of all State Street launching a diversity gender balanced fund , which will track an index comprising companies that do a great job at advancing women through gender diversity on their boards of directors and in management in general. We have seen extensive research that shows that companies with gender-diverse leadership tend to outperform long-term companies that don’t so I am surprised these funds are only starting to emerge.

Bloomberg has set up a new team of journalists and analysts covering the topic diversity.

The ex Norway Prime Minister was interviewed and asked about the reasons behind the success of her country (beyond the obvious oil related wealth) as in the 80s Norway was nowhere close to where it is now, its economy weak and common people barely able to afford decent living. "Success comes from the fact that you see fathers pushing strollers at 3 pm on a working day" she said. "What has changed in these 30 years are family politics and work culture. Retaining talented women in the workforce, giving family benefits and allowing fathers to be fathers and workers without stigma. Shorter working days and flexible working, which results into creative and flexible thinking".

There is McKinsey research on how and why "Women matter" and the latest Mercer report "When women thrive businesses thrive" being presented at the WEF last week and discussed by the CEOs of Cisco, eBay, Marriot and the president of UBS Wealth Management, Jürg Zeltner: "One other thing we all found common ground on was retaining talented women. They leave the workforce after you’ve invested and trained them as many find that workplaces are not family-friendly. Our challenge is to keep them and make the workplace flexible and supportive of their needs and priorities."

So there is all the progress being made just cited above, the daily strong commitment of many of us to raise awareness on the challenges women face and to bring positive change in the world. All of it is still probably only a drop in the ocean but change is happening out there.

Out there.

Then there is me, and I know that like me many other women and working mothers at times have a similar behaviour.

Rewind of two weeks, Monday 11 January, 6am. My husband and I are getting ready for work, kids still – thankfully – asleep. My phone rings. Terror (not quite, but close...). Our current Monday babysitter's little child is sick so she won't be able to come today. And it is of course no problem, it happens. However, a well known feeling that I merrily refer to as "the cold –spine" starts taking over. We quickly and frantically go through our blackberries, our plan in these cases is to take half day off each to look after whichever child is at home, aim is to cancel the half day which would result in the lower damage for the rest of the week. We decide that I stay at home in the morning with our 9 months old baby, dialling in for a couple of meetings, and my husband stays at home in the afternoon, also dialling in when he needs. I let my boss know, who very nicely and empathically confirms it is no problem at all (she has been there too). I tell my colleagues and team. On we go with the plan. At 11 am my baby is happily playing on his mat babbling away while I dial in for an internal meeting. I dial in and immediately go on mute. I barely comment and step in only quickly for fear that someone might hear my baby gurgling cheerfully in the background. Why did I do that? Even if anyone heard the baby chuckle, so what? They all knew where I was and why. I am not that junior or young any more or shy or lacking self confidence. So why did I try and hide the fact that as a working mum this too can be part of my life and it is really no big deal, in fact, hat off really for pushing through and balancing it all??!

Fast-forward to 4pm. The above nearly forgotten and not even yet properly processed. I have now been in the office for a couple of hours and my husband at home for 2 hours and taken as well a (video) call. I call him asking how the afternoon is going. "Oh great actually! Baby M. was sitting on my lap during my call, they loved him and he behaved really well."

No need to comment, I think these two episodes speak for themselves. Perhaps I will add that I am proud of how my husband handled the situation and a little less proud of how I did not stand up to my ideals.

So here is my lesson learnt and a better version of myself has come out of it.

Change, real change, starts from us and from how we expect the world to view us. We all have a lot more responsibility and impact on driving change than we often think.

M.